Two things happened on our school run this morning that have made me seethe. We walk to school each morning. We are lucky enough to live in a village with its own school and we're only a short walk away. We got up, ready and left the house, running late of course. I'd forgotten to write in That Baby's reading log and I really wanted to point out how hard she'd be practicing her words and how desperate she is to read, so that set us back a bit.
On our way down the road we saw a lady from the village who is a mutual friend of a number of my close friends, but on a personal level we've never really clicked. I think we have quite differing outlooks. I am naturally quite positive, her glass is very much half empty. I've made a real effort to be nice to her and to be inclusive, but to be honest I've pretty much given up the ghost. I'm only ever met with sarcasm from her or (really quite patronising) comments. For example I once said "This Baby had a better night last night" she retorted with something like "Well your children are just perfect aren't they?" Now I am not a naive person, I fully comprehend that you can't get on with everyone and that sometimes through no fault of their own, people just aren't your cup of tea. I'm even quite happy NOT to be everyone's friend. I don't feel the desperation I felt in my youth to please everyone, to fit in and be liked. I am who I am. I'm not changing that. Take me or leave me, I don't mind. But have the common courtesy to at least be civil to me.
This morning the lady is question was walking her children to school just ahead of us. Generally speaking when you spot someone walking close to you, clearly on the way to school you walk together and chat right? Not her! She pulled her hat down over her face, pretended not to see me and nigh on ran to get some distance between us. I'd like to say I wasn't bothered, but it truth I found it quite hurtful. Seriously, can she not even stomach a five minute conversation with me for the sake of politeness? Sod you then!
We carried on walking, purposefully slowly now and arrived at school just after the bell rang. This Baby's classroom is up a small alleyway and isn't the easiest place to negotiate with a buggy. At the top of the path, blocking our way with a gaggle of children too young for school was a local Mum who had completed her drop off. She was stood with a few other Mums on their way back out. Sadly she is another person I've never really been particularly friendly with, though we're capable of conversation, I just don't really trust her. I've noticed that she has a habit of getting people to say something negative about a person, by backing them into a conversational corner, then quoting their (forced) comment back to the person they'd been discussing. I don't like to talk negatively behind other people's backs, though obviously I realise it happens. And i suppose I do it sometimes, but only with people I really trust not to blab. Because of this practice I feel guarded around her and make sure nothing I say can be misconstrued.
On my way past her this morning my buggy wheel caught on something and I couldn't get it to move. Instead of helping me, she put her hands in her hips and said loudly and sarcastically "Come on Kate, sort it out!" The gaggle of Mums she was with all laughed as though she was hysterical.
I know that's not much of a thing, but after the little bit of unpleasantness on our walk in I felt close to tears. I said nothing, though I probably looked daggers at her, yanked the buggy out of its predicament and quickly walked That Baby to her classroom. It would have made the world of difference to me if someone had even offered to help me rather than pointing out my lateness and my stuck-ness and laughing at me. I felt like a child surrounded by bitchy girls again!
I've got home now, had a cuppa and a think about it and I've decided, you know what, sod the lot of you! If that's the way you roll, I don't give a stuff. I've decided that my future response will be to "out nice" these women. I'll shout "Good Morning" at the top of my voice to the woman retreating across the road at speed. I'll tell the condescending moo who belittles me that "I'm so happy to see you after a week away". Let 'em hate me for it, I don't care. At least I will still be smiling, I'll be dammed if they're going to break my spirit!
Happy Monday to you all! To every single person in the whole world. Miserable sods and lovely sweet people (my readers) alike. Have the most wonderful Monday you've ever had in your whole lives!
I completely emphasise with this post, though luckily haven't really experienced it.
ReplyDeleteThis morning both my children said they didn't want to go to school this morning. My youngest just straight out said she didn't want to go, my eldest said she didn't feel very well. I knew for both of them it was that typical first day back at school feeling, which is ironic considering they both actually love going to school.
We've had tears this morning and all sorts, and I know its actually just because we've had such a lovely week off (what with going to Disneyland and all) and that no one wanted to go back to the same routine. As I dropped them off this morning I actually felt sad myself, like this was the end of our wonderful week and now we were back to all the daily rubbish.
We were late too! How can you possibly manage to carry two book bags, 2 lunch boxes, 2 rucksacks and 4 PE kits! Its craziness lol!
Have a happy Monday Kate. Thinking of you x
Oh bless them, poor loves! I remember that feeling so well, it's horrible isn't it. It's like admitting that the lovely time you've had has officially come to an end. And poor you too! I bet you spend all day worrying if they're ok? Thank you for your sympathy lovely Bel, it's nice to know it's not just me! So looking forward to hearing about your trip, will you be blogging about it? xx
DeleteSorry you had such a horrible morning! I can't believe they didn't offer to help you! You would hope by the time we grow up and have our own children that we could learn to love one another despite our differences and set a good example for our own children? Try not to let them get you down..
ReplyDeleteI hope your week gets better from here on in.
Thank you Aanika! You would hope that would happen wouldn't you, but no. I sometimes wonder if we're stuck in this cycle because some people are just incapable of growing up, and therefore teach they're children to be the same way, which then rubs off on our children. Perhaps I'm overthinking it. But I refuse to be like that. I not treating like for like, I'm carrying on regardless and they can all bog off! Ha! Hope you have a fab week too xx
DeleteOh and I love your future response! Exchange their rudeness for Love. Best..Defence..Ever!! :) You go girl! :)
ReplyDeleteHa! Thank you! I feel all empowered now ;)x
DeleteAwww I so want to give you a hug! I know how you feel, I never thought mums had cliques when it got to taking children to school. I even asked my mum if it was like that when she used to take me to school as I had no idea at all.
ReplyDeleteI got bullied at school so I've always made sure my daughters know how horrible it is and never to do it so when it comes to being at school I try to be Switzerland but some mum's make it so hard. Talk to one group, the other thinks your saying nasty things, talk to the other and the other thinks your spying. It's just awful.
We had a terrible school run as well. Was all going so well until his mum does her usual things of moving everything I got ready so we have to play a game of hide and seek and end up late. We still never found her school shoes.
Hope it gets better for you, some mums are just complete bitches!
Rhiannon x
Thank you my dear, you are so sweet. I know it sounds mean, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one who had a pants first school run! It is incredibly hard to stay neutral isn't it? It seems to be that I get dragged into things even when I've done my level best to stay out. It's pretty much inevitable. I was horribly bullied at school too, I think it probably makes me a little extra sensitive to the subject. But I think it's better to be that way. I hate to think of my girls picking on someone, the damage it does can be devastating.
DeleteI HATE it when people move things! It drives me so bats! Did you huff and puff and let it be known? I'm notorious for that one. How did you manage without the school shoes? That's awful!
Hope you have a fab week xx
She's had to wear some black and white shoes instead but I tried to explain and she just shrugged it off as if it was my fault and then refused to to talk to me except for when she wanted coffee making.
DeleteNah, I think it's all normal that we all fail badly at the school run. One day I will have it down to a T and it was be the day the youngest finishes primary school.
x
Oh sod the lot of them Kate. I know just what you mean. Some mothers go out of their way to be unfriendly and never invite my daughter over although their child has been to my house several times. I always take it personally and think it's because we don't have a car or have ugly carpet so we're not good enough, when the truth is probably something quite different.
ReplyDeleteBut really, sod them. Don't let their negativity stick and diminish your naturally happy outlook.
Oh that made me chuckle! Thank you Emma, some people eh?! I know what you mean, their negativity causes us to look for causes within ourselves that probably aren't even there. I'm definitely guilty of it, I come up with reasons like; she doesn't like me because I live in a house joined on to my parents and they don't think I have to work for anything (sadly very untrue). I bet your taste in carpet is far superior! Bollards to the lot of them! xx
DeleteSod those ladies! The worst is that first one, who by her rudeness was being rude to your children in turn, and show her own children that rude behavior is the way to go. What a beast. But her past comment about your kids being "just perfect" is beyond... she has issues and will be sad with or without you being around to make her look extra sad by comparison!
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right I really should make a point of telling That Baby that it isn't an acceptable way to behave.I feel *almost* sorry for her. Po faced bag.
DeleteGosh, sounds like such school ground behaviour. What is it with mean people, and in particular bitchy women? i will never understand why people can't just be nice or at least civil. Good on you for being the better person and sorry that you had such a crappy morning. It's hard to remember in times like that, but we're not all like that, there are in fact nice {& helpful} people in the world.
ReplyDeleteAlex
Bump to Baby
You're right of course, it's so important to rember that not everyone is that way. I think that of nothing else, writing it down (and everyone's lovely comments in response) have made it clear to me that I don't need to adjust my behaviour, they do.
DeleteSod them sod them sod them. We're supposed to be the adults now, I thought, not the teenage playground bullied! Ignore them, love, and remind yourself that you've got shed loads of friends and admirers beyond the school gates!
ReplyDeleteOh oh Hattie, thank you! What a lovely kind thing to say. How you made me smile :) I shall indeed sod them. They should, henceforth, consider themselves distinctly and very much sodded! Pah! xx
DeleteI remember mornings like this, and how unsettling encounters like that add up to be...but saying sod them, and especially your plan to respond with positivity, is an adult response to what sounds like the actions of insecure children in adult bodies. You might even make them feel better about themselves so they don't need to be so nasty in future.
ReplyDeleteThank you Caz, that would be a result! Secretly I'd really like it if they were happier people...maybe one day!
DeleteThis sounds awful Kate! I'm completely dreading when it comes to taking Little Miss to school because I had such a horrible time of it (I was bullied right through school). I refuse to take my daughter to baby groups where I have to stay because mothers in my hometown are so cliquey (one of the reasons I want to move before she starts school).
ReplyDeleteI love how you plan to tackle it, it makes me smile and I think it's really brave. Stuff 'em we all know you're better than them :)
Sending love & cuddles!
Amy x cocktailsinteacups.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you so much Amy, you're so lovely! I have to say 90% of the local Mums are nice. Ok, that's probably an exaggeration, 80% are nice, 10% are at least civil and 10% I could happily love without! Fingers crossed you meet some nice ones when your little one starts school xx
DeleteHow awful!! Grown women as well but don't let them get you down lovely :) I loathe clickey two face women...my worst nightmare! Big hugs to you xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear, you are kind. I think I've concluded that they must have sad lives, me shouting "Morning!" At them in my jolliest voice will probably really hack them off -ha, ha, ha ;)
Deletecant believe that woman walked ahead, who does that?! oh well good for you, out nice the lot of them!!
ReplyDeleteJust what I thought?! No manners! We can all manage a small "politeness chat" right? Hahahaha ;) x
DeleteWell done you for having such a positive outlook on it. I would have felt just as hurt as you did. Why can't people just be nice. And if not nice, then at least civil! I haven't had the pleasure (????) of experiencing the school run yet as Joshua doesn't go until September this year - and actually I think it might be hubby who does drop off - depends if I'm still commuting to work. I doubt the men who do school drop off's get involved in all this bitchiness!
ReplyDeleteI don't think men any time fir that sort of rubbish do they? And rightly so! :)
Delete