Tuesday 14 May 2013

The fish is dead. Long live the fish!

A couple of weeks ago it was Biscuit's Birthday. She desperately wanted goldfish and we were happy to buy her some. She spent ages choosing their names and getting ready for them.

On the day of her Birthday Mr Husband, Wiggles and I collected Biscuit from school and took her to the local garden centre to choose her gift. We bought the tank, the filter, the pebbles and all the expensive water treatments. Not to mention the two little goldfish themselves; Nuzzle and Scratch.  Now I don't begrudge paying for them one iota, but I was slack jawed in amazement when the youth behind the counter announced that our little lot would cost us the princely sum of £52.  Fifty two quid?!!! I was expecting something closer to £15!!!  Still, as long as our girl was happy.  And she was, she loved those fish!

She was desperately worried that they wouldn't survive the journey home. Probably my fault, because I couldn't see them through the bag they were in I'd said something along the lines of "I hope they're ok in there...." She was so happy when we opened them up when we got home, declaring "They're alive!" in a way that made me think of Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon.

Sadly when I returned home from work the other day Mr Husband informed me that Scratch appeared to have gone to the great big goldfish bowl in the sky.  Thankfully he wasn't floating on his side at the top of the tank he was stock still at the bottom. He'd definitely gone though, he'd not moved for ages and his gills had stopped flapping.

We'd decided to keep their tank on the landing right at the top of the stairs so we had to distract Biscuit past on her way to bed. And we did pretty well I must say, she didn't notice a thing....

I began to worry that the dead goldfish would poison the remaining goldfish like some sort of deadly goldfish teabag so we had to get it out as soon as possible. We solemnly made the necessary arrangements, scooped out poor old Scratch, gawd rest him. I belted out a quick verse of "All Things Bright and Beautiful" and we bid the little fella farewell.

In the morning we once again distracted Biscuit as she passed the tank so she wouldn't be upset by the distinct lack of fishy action. She is ridiculously easy to distract. After dropping her off at school I made dash back to the garden centre.

You'd think it would be easy to buy a simple goldfish, but the old codger on the desk was in a bad mood so sent me on a merry dance around the shop. Cantankerous swine. Eventually I managed to buy a very similar fish, get him home and slosh him into the tank as if nothing had happened.

Until Biscuit returned home from school, fed her fish and announced "Scratch has grown AND he's got a suntan, he's got brown blobs on his tail. And Nuzzle looks poorly to me"  
A quick butchers at Nuzzle confirmed that the poor fishy Mr had what looked like the fish version of internal bleeding. I got my google on and discovered that this was likely to be down to the water. I plopped in a couple of the ridiculously expensive water treatment beads that set me back so much and hoped for the best.

Thankfully a few days later he seems to have fully recovered. Phew! I don't want to go through that again any time soon!

Any one else ever performed a pet switch? How did you get on? Has anyone ever switched your pet under your nose? Did you notice? I'd love to hear your tales/tails!!!

Love, love,

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Edit: Tuesday 14th May 2013 - 1600 hrs. 

This morning the new fish was swimming around happy as Larry (whoever Larry may be) this afternoon we returned home from a Baby Shower (really nice, thanks) and the sodding replacement fish has kicked the bucket!!!! I can't believe it!!! Why today? It's just too bizarre, I feel like I've jinxed the second fish, doomed it to a watery grave. 

We've decided to come clean. Perhaps it's Scratch (the surviving fish), maybe he's a lean mean fish killing machine? Maybe the bloody gills were a sign of his murderous conquests? So cue many, many death related questions from Biscuit and much wailing and tooth gnashing....

22 comments:

  1. You daughter is very observant! Hope these two survive.

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    1. Unbelievably the second fish swam off to the big fishbowl in the sky this very afternoon! I am aghast!!!! Grrrr....

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  2. I laughed aloud when I read "deadly goldfish teabag"! Too funny, though I'd be right there with you. We've always had cats, so no family fish-- though Thing 1 did have one in a wee goldfish bowl for a hot minute. It decided to join the choir invisible within days of arrival. So now we are back to cats & dogs-- which would be rather hard to replace without someone noticing, so knock on wood!

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    1. Tabetha I can't believe it, it's happened AGAIN!!! I'm following your lead and sucking with cats and dogs in future. Flippin creatures!!!

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  3. deadly golfish teabag <3 I would have thought the same!

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    1. Round two this evening!!! We have another poisonous goldfish teabag situation, repeat, we have another poisonous goldfish teabag situation!!! Ahem, All Things Bright and Beautiful....

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  4. Firstly, I love "deadly goldfish tea bag" and your Brian Blessed-esque daughter! But anyway- I can't believe the replacement fish died!! That's absolutely mental. You're safer with cats and dogs, I swear!xx

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    1. I can't believe it karked it today!?! Of all the bloomin days! Why? I feel like I cursed the poor thing. Dogs only in future. Except I am way too lazy for dogs....newts maybe? Pigeons?

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  5. Oh my goodness me, what a hassle the fish proved to be, and outrageously expensive! How did the little one handle the news? That was a mighty impressive switch-a-roo by the by x

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    1. Why thank you my dear! She took it ok, bless her. She was upset and she wanted to go and check on the remaining fish, but I think she understood. She was more concerned with the fact that we flushed the slippery fisher down the loo, apparently she would have liked to have watched!

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  6. I can't believe the replacement died too! I guess two fish just weren't meant to be!
    x x x

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    1. Me neither! I can't believe it either!!!! I think one may have bullied the other to death. Nasty fishy meany...

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  7. When I was younger I had the biggest room, as girls always do. I wouldn't swap with my brother (we both had two fish each) so he flushed one of my fishes down the toilet! Leaving me a note with "Swap or the next one gets it" Oh no, I went there being the devious little sister I am I put his fish under his pillow (where he always put his hand to sleep) and BAM there was his fish.

    No one kills my fishy and gets away with it. The second died because a friend threw my Barbie doll at the tank and smashed it :( she lost a Barbie dolls head.

    Hope you get some better fish!

    xxx

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    1. Oh my gosh Beth!!!! That's like The Godfather or something!!!! I am seriously impressed at your revenge skills!

      A smashed tank is a horrible way to go! When I close my eyes I can see flapping fish straining to breathe and young Beth running around trying to save them.....not good!

      I am steering clear of fish in future, I am clearly not a fit fish Mother!

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  8. My parents once rushed out independently to buy replacement fishes when mine died. They each tipped their decoy fish into the tank without looking so when I got home, Rebecca had CLONED herself. Was very confused and worried for years that I might wake up to find a second me in my bed one morning...

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    1. Hahahha! Ok, aside from the whole fish cloning business, your goldfish was called Rebecca? Wow! You were a very sophisticated child!!! My childhood fish was called Fishy!!

      Back to the cloning....how on Earth did they explain that?!!! My tiny brain would have exploded!!

      I keep getting worried that the ghost of the goldfish will swim up and bite my bum when I'm on the loo, I'd hate to find a cloned fish under my duvet! If I have nightmares now it's your fault!!!

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  9. Oh this is such a precious story!!!! And the comments you have got are as funny too!!!I have always been worried about dead goldfish biting bums when you go to the loo...you never know,do you?And the girl who put the goldfish under her bro's pillow!She dont mess around,does she!Wouldnt like to get into a argument with her!
    I do have a goldfish story,but it may be better as a blog post :-)
    Xxxx

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    1. Jess I NEED to read your story!!!! I want to share your fishy pain ;) xx

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    2. Well as it happens I'm just writing it up :-) I'm going to clarify details with my mum :-) #fishtales

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  10. Deathly goldfish tea bag! Brilliant! Also I love your daughter she's brilliant! x

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  11. Ooh what a fab idea, shall bear this in mind!! Great writing though makes me smile xx

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