My delightful Husband, whom I love endlessly, went to the football yesterday. In return he's given me the day off today and taken the Small people to the zoo, he's nice that!
I awoke, after a long and restful sleep to discover the house entirely empty. No Mother, Father and Brother in the East Wing making scraps of noise. A strange rarity indeed. In fact, I don't think I've had the luxury of being entirely home alone since before Wiggles was born. In celebration of this fact so far I've enjoyed eaten an extravagant breakfast without having to share, I concluded it by eating an entirely self indulgent biscuit for "breakfast pudding" (just invented it).
I've had an uninterrupted bath, in which I drank tea and listened to 6 Music, I've thoroughly and correctly moisturised.
After selecting some music of my choice from our extensive collection, I sat down and dried my hair without singing "the hairdryer song" once. I would love to say I chose something deeply cool and impressive to listen to, but no, given all the choice in the world I went for The Divine Comedy and sang along loudly and badly to "The Gin Soaked Boy" and to my even deeper shame some Snow Patrol. Gary Lightbody has never been remotely credible, excluding the time when he parked himself on the back of a horse and crooned a couple of lines of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" in Game of Thrones. Still, not a single person rolled their eyes and declared "Oh, Mummy!".
I am now I'm sitting down watching my choice of television programme which doesn't feature a single singing pink pony, advert for prohibitively expensive shoes or toys.
Shortly I will be attending the supermarket (dull, but necessary) and this outing will not contain any screaming, being stared at by strangers for having the noisiest child on the planet or the purchase of any 3 for £1 luminous sweeties to act as bribery to get her to shut the fluff up. If I spot any frazzled looking mothers with bellowing babies, I will dutifully give them that sympathetic look which usually only the childless and carefree are allowed to dish out.
After concluding the shopping I may be found parked on my 'arris in Costa Coffee reading a newspaper like an actual human being.
Do not Disturb!